Becoming a “Mom-forcer”
Lighthouse meets every other Wednesday evening from 8:30-9:30 pm (CST). If you haven’t joined us before, we invite you to come and sit awhile with this beautiful group of parents. As a community, we gather to celebrate the highs and support each other through the challenges. This is a conversation with other parents who understand what you are experiencing. Grab your favorite beverage join us. This is a program for parents with students attending Islands of Brilliance programming. Register here.
Last night was such a powerful conversation. Thank you for being there for each other, for trusting each other, and for being vulnerable with each other. As one parent shared with me this morning, “It was so good to hear how fierce these moms are and also hear their struggles!” If there was ever a conversation that embodied the saying, “We’re all in this together,” it was last night.
Michelle shared this beautiful photo of her and Adam along with a great quote that captures the strength of a mother’s love for her children, as well as the spirit of last night's conversation.
There’s no question that your love is stronger than any force, that your fierceness has no limits, and that your willingness to push on cannot be stopped. But that strength and perseverance is also exhausting! We need to make sure that the expectations we are setting for ourselves and our children are obtainable and reasonable for the way we are needing to live our lives right now. These are extraordinary times, and we cannot hold ourselves to the same expectations we normally do.
Glennon Doyle, the author of Untamed, recently shared in one of her video “morning meetings” her thoughts on How to Make Your Kids Social Geniuses During Corona. In her usual direct, but humorous style, she talks about the concept of starting and finishing strong. What happens in the middle is usually forgotten anyway. She talks about giving ourselves the break from the pressures of being a parent, teacher, employee, house manager, and any of the other twenty-six hats you’re wearing today.
When it comes to education while our schools are closed, we might need to allow ourselves to think of education a little differently. It doesn’t have to look like a traditional classroom, and the lessons don’t need to look like they might when the teachers are executing them. Turn a game into a learning opportunity. Watch some nature shows. Bake together. Your child is learning and growing each day…it just might look a little different right now. Engage them with topics they’re interested in. You can sprinkle the education into the daily activities, just the way you might hide some of the veggies in the meals we prepare.
Another topic we spent quite a bit of time on was the concern we have for our children in regards to self-isolation. We are worried about our kids and setbacks they might experience from the social progress they were making before we had to move inside. If it were left up to them, many of our kids would stay in their rooms all day by themselves.
In both cases, education and isolation, we talked about a few strategies to help not only our children…but ourselves at the same time. Tanika introduced us to the concept of being a Mom-forcer. Sometimes we just have to make things happen. That’s when the Mom-forcer springs into action!
Kelly shared another strategy she has used with her son. Together they set a schedule, giving her son the power to choose what he wants to focus on. By giving options, she is able to guide and direct the course taken, but her son feels empowered and has control over his day.
So what if we combine these two strategies into one? The Mom-forcer With Options becomes an unstoppable superhero force of change! If we now fold in Glennon Doyle’s concept of start strong…finish strong…don’t worry about the middle, and we’re a superhero of change with a little extra sanity!
Out of the 24 hours in the day, maybe shoot for just a fraction of it where your child has to work on an assignment or come out of their room for an activity. Let them choose the time or times they do it, maybe picking from two or three options that you’d like them to do. The rest of the time is their own to do with as they see fit.
Maybe this is one way we can find a little bit of the balance we talked about last week. The one thing I am certain of, these wonderful kids come from some amazing parents. It is the love and time spent together that continues to build their own resilience and strength. They learn from the amazing examples you give by living your lives as boldly and beautifully as you do!
Finally, we also talked about a great resource, The Mighty. It is “a safe, supportive community for people facing health challenges and the people who care for them.” Rosalie shared that the Autism channel can be a great resource. One more example of the power of communities built by telling our stories around shared experiences.
I hope you have a beautiful week!
Peace and Love,
Matt and all of us at Islands of Brilliance
