I’ll Be There For You
Lighthouse meets every other Wednesday evening from 8:30-9:30 pm (CST). If you haven’t joined us before, we invite you to come and sit awhile with this beautiful group of parents. As a community, we gather to celebrate the highs and support each other through the challenges. This is a conversation with other parents who understand what you are experiencing. Grab your favorite beverage join us. This is a program for parents with students attending Islands of Brilliance programming. Register here.
The school year has begun! And for most of our kids, it sounds like it has been a good start to the year!
“I’m not going to ruin school over a taco truck.”
This gem of a line really resonated with our parents! For one student, it was a really great start to his senior year, except one upcoming event was causing him a lot of anxiety. The school had arranged for a food truck to come and students would be able to order lunch that day from the taco truck. With all that was going well that week, the solution was clear…let’s just skip that event. Opting out can be a valuable lesson and empowering experience. Yes, we want our kids to participate and experience as much as possible, but we must pick and choose what opportunities we’re going to bat for and not ruin ____________ over a ____________.
Providing support by giving space to succeed…and possibly fail too.
The question of what was causing the anxiety for this student led to a great conversation about teaching our kids life skills which lead to independence. As one parent shared, it can be incredibly difficult to know when to pull away or swoop in with support. It can be a difficult but valuable experience to give our children the opportunity to fail in a safe environment. Our group shared a few different strategies that have worked with their children.
When it comes to backing away and allowing your child to have an experience on their own, you can provide support by talking through the situation beforehand. Social stories are a great way to prepare a person for what they are about to experience. If you usually do the ordering at the restaurant, you might want to include that you will not be doing that this time in the social story so they know they will be doing the ordering. After the experience, have a conversation about how it went. One parent shared a simple, yet powerful question, “How did that feel?” Breaking down the experience together by emotions can help identify where your child may need extra support and where it went well for them.
Margaret shared another strategy she has used both at home and when teaching in the schools. She would not only ask questions to prepare the individual, but would share why she was asking the questions. So often it can be frustrating or simply annoying to have mom or dad asking a bunch of questions! But the phrase, “My goal in asking this is so that when you’re on your own you will…” Many times we assume someone knows what our intentions are, yet there is a lot of room for misunderstandings! By being direct and sharing our goals, mutual understanding can open a door for conversation around the topic at hand instead of an argument about why you’re asking so many questions.
Identifying some low-risk scenarios for practice can be a great way for both you and your child to develop these skills. One family found that the grocery store can provide many opportunities for various life skills. Sending your child to find a specific item teaches them how to navigate the store and to use wayfinding markers such as the signs at the end of the aisle. It will help to choose a smaller store like Sendik’s or Piggly Wiggly rather than the giant Woodman’s or Pick ’n Save stores. Asking them how much items cost and keeping a running total can teach math skills, budgeting, and a general awareness of the value of money. Allowing your child to pick out one special item each trip teaches them decision making when there are going to of course be multiple items they will want!
Finally, IOB’s Brilliant Breakfast Club (BBC) provides a safe environment for our children who are 18+ to experience some of these life skills away from the support of their parents. This past week was our first return to in-person BBC workshops (which meet on the second Wednesday of each month). Our participants meet at a local restaurant where they navigate ordering, paying, and tipping on their own. Breakfast is followed by navigating the transportation system to another location where we then hold a workshop around daily living skills such as goal setting, advocacy, budgeting, and healthy lifestyles. In addition to our in-person experiences, BBC meets each Friday morning online for conversations around similar topics lead by Occupational Therapy students from UW-Milwaukee and Mount Mary College. It is amazing to see the community and individual growth that has formed over the past two years!
“He’s made me the silly, happy, dancing fool I am today!”
This past week we spent some time talking about how our group has a shared trait of humility in their parenting and how there is great strength in that humility. Many of the parents shared how with time, they have found themselves caring less and less about what other people think. They feel empowered to not have to explain their lives to others. That can sometimes be a difficult place to get to, but a freeing one once you get there! They realized that it just doesn’t matter what onlookers think, they know what is needed at the moment for themselves and their children.
As one parent shared, there was the time she really needed that cup of coffee…and if that meant her son was on the floor between her legs as they stood in line, that was where he was going to be no matter what that looked like to the others in the coffee shop. Never forget that coffee…is…life!
This humility in parenting also creates great empathy for other families. Instead of judging a situation, we tend to want to offer help. Sometimes that comes in the form of offering support or simply a loving and knowing glance.
No judgment environments.
A few weeks ago we talked about how Lighthouse is a supportive and shame-free place for parents to gather each week to support each other. We are fortunate to have judgment-free, autism-friendly places throughout our community:
We Rock The Spectrum Kid’s Gym in Oak Creek “is committed to providing a safe, nurturing, and fun environment to foster learning, exploration, and safe sensory experiences. Through our nonprofit, My Brother Rocks The Spectrum Foundation, we provide social skills groups and activities for children across the spectrum.”
Friendship Circle Cafe, Bakery, and Art Studio in Fox Point is an organization whose “goal is to provide every individual with special needs the support, friendship, and inclusion that they deserve.”
The Jewish Community Center in Whitefish Bay is “an inclusive community center offering programs and services for all regardless of age, religious observance, income, or ability, we make our community stronger and offer opportunities for all of us to learn and grow together.”
Peace and Love,
Matt and all of us at Islands of Brilliance
Banner Image by Pexels from Pixabay
