Advice, Adulthood Interrupted, and Making Decisions
Lighthouse meets every other Wednesday evening from 8:30-9:30 pm (CST). If you haven’t joined us before, we invite you to come and sit awhile with this beautiful group of parents. As a community, we gather to celebrate the highs and support each other through the challenges. This is a conversation with other parents who understand what you are experiencing. Grab your favorite beverage join us. This is a program for parents with students attending Islands of Brilliance programming. Register here.
Wednesday night we started off the evening with a Question of the Day, “What is a piece of advice you received that you carry with you each day?” What we ended up with was a beautiful pool of wisdom that we can go swimming in anytime we need to!
Jump In!
To thine own self be true.
Where there is life, there is hope.
All you can do is be the best you can be.
Remember, you’re not better than anyone else. (Humility)
Do the right thing, even when no one is looking.
When you’re nervous about something, do it afraid.
You learn and remember the most from your failures, don’t be afraid to be vulnerable.
Be a helper.
You never know what someone else is going through, always give the benefit of a doubt.
Only speak of yourself as you would a dear friend, be kind.
Adulthood Interrupted
Last week, we spent some time talking about how many of our children have had to put some of their dreams on hold due to the coronavirus. Some have recently graduated from college and were just beginning their entrance to life on their own, figuring out who they are as adults. They had to move back home, putting their dreams on hold. Others are about to begin their journey to college and it will look so different than the way they thought their experiences would go.
From a CNN article, Why Teens May Never Be The Same After The Pandemic, “In the time of coronavirus, traditional hallmarks of the high school experience have all but disappeared. And as everyone settles into new routines inside, at home, teens are feeling angry, anxious and reticent.” There are many reasons this is impacting this younger generation so much:
Adolescents have a heightened reactivity to stress
The people they rely on aren't there in person
The lockdown is limiting their identity
They feel robbed of memories
Being cooped up has led to increased anxiety
They worry over an uncertain future
Steve Schneider, a high school counselor in Sheboygan, Wisconsin, shared “It's difficult to generalize what life will be like for an entire cohort. Many teenagers could emerge from this time more resilient than they knew they could be. But, it's important to allow teenagers to lean into however they are feeling during this time.”
In another article this time from Bloomberg, When the Pandemic Sent You Back to Childhood, Sarah Holder writes, “For young people who moved back in with their parents and siblings during coronavirus lockdowns, adulthood has been suddenly, strangely interrupted.” But we find that this has been a trend happening before the pandemic:
Even before coronavirus shuttered their colleges, disappeared their first jobs, or derailed burgeoning careers, millions of America’s “emerging adults” were stuck at home. Between 2000 and 2017, the number of 25-to-34-year-olds living with their parents doubled to reach 22%.
Blame the battering ram of a bad economy. Recessions in 2001 and 2008, along with wage gaps, growing college costs and the crushing weight of student debt, have left younger Americans late to reach traditional adulthood milestones like marriage, homebuying, and kids. The Washington Post reported that, compared to Boomers and Gen X’ers, Millennials — the “unluckiest generation” — have experienced the slowest economic growth. Members of Generation Z now emerging from college may face even tougher challenges.
The article goes on to profile the experiences of many young adults who have found themselves back at home. So how can we help our children during this time? As the last semester wrapped up at MIAD, I found myself online with my group of 32 students about to graduate without a ceremony. They were worried and uncertain about what was to come. I shared with them that in my experience, life happens in cycles – the economy rises and it falls, the job market expands and contracts. I shared that this moment will be a defining moment for them, and while it will certainly change their visions of the future, it will build their resilience. They will come out on the other side of this with new dreams and new paths to explore. They will carve a new future. Let us be sure to give them the support they need, teaching them to be patient with themselves and their expectations.
From the Bloomberg article, Susan Anderer, a psychologist who focuses on young people in transitional phases shares, “At any developmental stage there’s a push-pull. There’s a push to want to move forward developmentally and also a tug backwards, because growing up is scary; it’s the unknown, you don’t know what it looks like on the other side.”
Making the “Right” Decision When You Don’t Know What “Right” Is
Finally, we spoke about some of the challenges that we are facing in making decisions moving forward into an unknown future. I know in my own life I often feel it is challenging to move forward without feeling I have enough information to do so. And in today’s world, it feels like there is more uncertainty than ever before!
So what are some strategies for moving forward? I find that often the old cliché is true…go with your gut. You are a strong, intuitive person. If you listen to what your body is telling you, you rarely go wrong. But with everything there’s balance, right? So a healthy mix of rational and intuitive thought goes even further! Go with your gut…and go with what you know.
In business, they say that “75 Percent of the Information Is All You Need to Make a Decision.” So often we spend time in “analysis paralysis” trying to gather all the information before we move. With everything changing, and so much uncertainty, can you find a way to move forward making the best decision with the information you have at the time?
Just like we are seeing in our children, we are all strong and resilient individuals. I have all the confidence in the world that whatever happens, you’ll figure it out! Heck, that’s what most of adulting is about, right? We figure it out as we go.
So how do we make the right decisions when we don’t know what right is? Go with your gut… Go with what you know…Set a positive mindset…Know you can pivot and figure it out as you need to.
So are you a cat-person? A dog-person? A people-person?
As always, we spend a lot of our night just connecting and laughing over whatever conversation happens that night. Wednesday, we spent some time discovering that not all of us are animal lovers. Some of us prefer dogs over people. Some of us have traumatic past experiences with cats both in life and from watching commercials.
And as for me…well, sometimes I’m more than a dog-person…I’m just a dog!
Have a beautiful weekend, and remember…be kind and patient with yourself and those around you!
Peace and Love,
Matt and all of us at Islands of Brilliance
